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Day 46: Fragments of a dream

The light at the end - a fragement of possibility

Some days seem harder than others.

I wonder what keeps me going when part of me says it wants to give up and not do any of this anymore. I keep living with the belief that there is something more, something better, but what is it?

I have to ask myself what I am searching for. This is something I find difficult to give a tangible form to yet I continue to believe the search is worth it.

So what keeps me going when I feel confused and unsure; especially when self-doubt raises its ugly head?

It is that glimmer of possibility. The light at the end of the tunnel. The green grass on the other side. Tantalising me. Luring me. Driving me.

I have a dream of where I am headed. I feel it inside me. Every now and again fragments are revealed to me and I know I must continue.

Edwina Gateley

Why do I keep on searching?
Dogged, dogged.
Always longing for something more,
believing in new potential,
grasping the fragment of a dream,
a vision
barely glimpsed.
Why am I so pursued
by Spirit thrusting in my belly,
rising whilst I sleep
and stirring stilled waters.
so I wander
like one lost and mad
across thristy deserts and
silent forests,
tracing lonely paths
in solitary places
being hurled back
into the city streets, carrying with me
a groaning
Woman God,
longing and terrified
to be born.

Source: Gateley, E. (1996). There was no path So I trod one. Trabuco Canyon, California: Source Books (p.49).

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